Oh dear JM!
I know about your struggles in your marriage and I don’t judge you for a second.
All I know is that we have this one life (in this body at least) to make the most of and be happy. We owe ourselves the attempt to do with that what we can while doing our best to be kind and honest to those around us.
I know a few things about what it’s like to be in this situation, all though mine was not an online affair. In my case, cheating saved my life, and I believe that quite literally… I don’t condone cheating, but the reasons why we do is far from black and white.
These turbulent circumstances can feel so wild and wonderful and terrifying at the same time, it’s challenging to see straight! I wish you all the best and send you the strength and clarity of mind and speech to navigate this situation in the best possible way—and may you all come out on the other side of it with your hearts (mostly) in one piece.