In my first edit of this article, I used an example from the BDSM community, and was advised to drop it, because it could easily compromise some of what I wanted to say—which I saw, and agreed with when it was pointed out to me.

I agree that consent and consent violation in the BDSM community (and other sex-positive communities) should be dealt with separately because the circumstances are far more complex. The nature of these activities revolve around pushing boundaries (to an extent) and there’s (to some degree) room for ‘mistakes’ and errors that should then be assessed, discussed and corrected. Violations are never ok, but in these environments and due to the nature of the activities engaged in, it does happen that signals or signs are overlooked and misunderstood. This is also why there’s such a focus on consent in the scene, why people host workshops and talks, engage mentors and organize themselves in groups that help keep everyone in check.

Out in the real world, things are a lot more black and white—and you can’t say that there’s room for errors or that we shouldn't label people by their actions, because here we must!

The issues in the kink and BDSM scene deserve their own article, but can’t be mixed in here, as they create confusion rather than clarity on the topic of real-world sexual assault.

Multidimensional creatrix & muse seeking to unite sexuality & spirituality, instigate alchemical healing & ignite the wild (wo)man | enadahl.com

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