I really understand how heavy this must be and i really don’t blame you for seeking out validation.
I’m of the (perhaps radical) opinion that, since sex and sexuality is a huge part of life and a real and valid need, if we can’t or won’t offer that to our partners, for any reason, arrangements should be made to where the need can be fulfilled somewhere else.
Do you think your wife would be open to an arrangement where you get your needs met somewhere else? If you assure her that you love her and want to be with her, but you can’t live without intimacy?
We can’t demand sex from someone, and we don’t owe anyone sex either, but at the same time we can’t sentence someone to a sexless life because we’ve lost interest ourselves.
If you’ve known each other for decades and you say she’s your best friend, it sounds like an unavoidable conversation…
I hope you find a way to talk about it!