Apart from these, I really think the connection and chemistry with your partner is imperative with anal. Definitely not a ‘first-date-act’ (for me at least) as it takes the building of trust to really feel comfortable opening-up, and feel safe—and anal is really one thing you can’t ‘fake’ feeling relaxed as your sphincter will pick up all of your anxieties and tense up even more.
When you have that kind of trust with someone, anal can be really sexy and an incredibly tender and beautiful experience, sharing a part of you that is so intimate and ‘off-limit’.
I’m so sorry you’ve had these traumatizing experiences! I hope that if you ever choose to give anal another try (all though if you don’t, that’s, of course, fine too) that you get to experience the sexy rather than the scary side of the coin!