I used the title of this article, The Higher You Fly, The Harder You Drop, as a caption for an image I posted on Fetlife years ago, a few months into my own BDSM journey. I was experiencing my very first Sub Drop; a phenomenon I’d heard of, yet, (naively) neither thought would happen to me—nor that it would feel so intense if it did.

The photo I posted was a selfie showing me soaking in the tub, pouting with a visibly bruised bottom lip and nipples, yearning for someone or something to help me out of my misery. That’s likely why I posted the picture too; I had no one to give me aftercare and was doing everything I could to self-soothe. Yelling out into the social media void in hopes of receiving something back—perhaps a few comforting words, a bit of sympathy, hugs (even if virtual), or at the very least a bit of attention—anything to distract me and make me feel less desolate. …

Newsletter

Hi there! First, I want to thank you so much for being here—I appreciate you immensely.

About me

I’ve been a storyteller of sorts my whole life. Starting as a graphic designer, I moved into creative/art direction, set dressing, event styling, and more. Writing was something I occasionally did, mostly by default, as I handled the content of clients, propositioned for gigs, and ran a design blog.

It was first in October last year that I decided to start writing full time. Before that, a growing voice inside had been pleading with me to write since I left a toxic relationship with a narcissist two years prior; I felt like I was bubbling over with things to say. …

In the words of my favorite erotica writer Anais Nin: “We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect.” And what better part to relive than our sex-lives?

I do love writing about sex and sexuality, but it wasn’t until I sat down to complete this list that I realized just how many stories I’ve published on the topic since I started here in October 2019: Ninety-nine so far!

I write about sexuality, not just for my own enjoyment, but because I believe it’s important. I believe we must normalize having an open, honest, and candid discourse around something that, despite being the most normal thing in the world—we’re all here because of it—is still such an uncomfortable, taboo topic for many. I believe in the importance of women and females speaking LOUDLY about sex. While precaution and safety are essential components of good sex education, I want to see more conversation about pleasure, why we should expect it, and why sex is good for us! …

Over the last year, I’ve written many stories about my experiences in a relationship with a verbally abusive narcissist, as well as my process of healing and dealing with the aftermath.

Through this process, I’ve connected with many who share similar experiences, in search of resources to make sense of their own situations. The stories I’ve written on this topic continue to be some of my most read and it’s clear to me that this kind of content is sought after.

For those looking to read more—to make sense of, heal and move on from a toxic, abusive, and/or narcissistic relationship—I decided to put all of them together in one place to make them easier to find. …

While 2020 started out oh-so-promising — with those sumptuously curvaceous, even numbers; a fresh decade, a clean slate, a new chance to make all of our dreams come true — sexy isn’t exactly the first word that comes to mind when asked to describe the past twelve months.

Still, in the face of this year’s obvious lack of sex appeal, I’m blessed to be able to look at many tantalizing moments along the way. It’s with immense gratitude that I’ve compiled this list of the gems that illuminated this otherwise gloomy year (in order of appearance).

1. A trip to Paris

Nicknamed the city of love—and of lights—this was the first big highlight. I’ve never been taken on a trip for my birthday, ever, and though my lofty plans to have sex in some outrageous place (like the Louvre) didn’t happen—after realizing that it would surely land us in jail—simply being there was sexy as hell! …

When I started writing my article on how I experience being bound and suspended in rope, I was struck by an overwhelming curiosity about what it feels like to be on the other end. Since my experience is mainly as a model, I wanted to better understand what it’s like in their shoes; is it as good for you as it is for me?

Do rope tops feel the same kind of euphoric catharsis as bottoms, or do they have another type of experience entirely?

The answer my rigger sent back to my questions touched me so deeply it inspired me to seek answers from other rope lovers too; what attracts them to Shibari, and how do they experience tying or being tied? …

The paradox of feeling free while bound has been repeated to the point of banality from rope bottoms and shibari enthusiasts all over. But, as is the case for most clichés, they’ve earned their status for a reason—namely that there tends to be some truth to them.

For those who haven’t experienced it, the contradiction is apparent while looking at a body all bundled up constricted; in which way could that feel liberating?

Contemplating the apparent fallacy, I realized that this is only one of many found in the realms of shibari and bondage. In this mundus inversus, discomfort can turn to ecstasy, physical compression to mental expansion, and surrender to transcendence. …

While I usually write sultry, sensual pieces on the topic of sex in the hopes to inspire creativity and pleasure in the bedroom (and beyond), few things stand in the way of these issues with our sexual health. I’m sure there are many others out there, suffering (silently) with the same thing, without knowing what might cause it, and it’s therefore that I decided to share my personal struggle with BV and how I finally got rid of it.

If you battle with recurring or chronic BV and you also use an IUD for contraception, read on: The two are very likely connected, and several studies suggest the same (see a list of resources below at the bottom). …