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Ena Dahl

Examining the difference between ‘violent’ and ‘violence’ in the contexts of sex, BDSM and emotional abuse

Photo by Alexander Krivitskiy on Unsplash

“Bondage is also violence! yelled an angry onlooker to my friends who were tying for an outside Shibari photo shoot. “Take your sexist bondage shit somewhere else,” she continued while swinging her fist and threatening to call the police.

Comments like these both trigger and pique my interest, and while I surely could write a book in response to the displeased passerby, I’ll try to fit my main points in an essay, starting with her claim:

Is bondage violence?

There’s no straightforward yes or no answer to this question, rather it’s context-dependent. What…

The best way to get what you want is to make it yourself


As the COVID vaccines get rolled out and the number of daily infections is steadily dropping, social gatherings are finally making their way back. With way over a year since our last large public event, my friends and I have been sighing at the thought of dancing all night at Berlin’s KitKat or perusing the play parties dressed to a tee. While it might still take some time until the clubs and big events are safely up and running, it could be time to start planning our own little private play parties.

I know, it sounds daunting, especially after all…

Regular Newsletter | Updated 08.06.2021

Welcome to my world on Medium, and beyond

Photo of the author by Negrorojoluz

Hi there! First, I want to thank you so much for being here—I appreciate you immensely.

About me

I’ve been a storyteller of sorts my whole life. Starting as a graphic designer, I moved into creative/art direction, set dressing, event styling, and more. Writing was something I occasionally did, mostly by default, as I handled the content of clients, propositioned for gigs, and ran a design blog.

It was first in October 2019 that I decided to start writing full time. Before that, a growing voice inside had been pleading with me to write since I left a toxic relationship with a…

All of my sexy pieces in one place

Photo: Directed by author / Photography and edit by Jay S Laffat

In the words of my favorite erotica writer Anais Nin: “We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect.” And what better part to relive than our sex-lives?

I do love writing about sex and sexuality, but it wasn’t until I sat down to complete this list that I realized just how many stories I’ve published on the topic since I started here in October 2019: N̶i̶n̶e̶t̶y̶-̶n̶i̶n̶e̶, one-hundred-and-seventeen so far (updated 08.06.21)!

I write about sexuality, not just for my own enjoyment, but because I believe it’s important. I believe we must normalize having an open, honest…

A full collection of my writings on narcissistic abuse; what it is, how to identify it, and how to deal with it, during and after

Eileen Pan via Unsplash

Over the last year, I’ve written many stories about my experiences in a relationship with a verbally abusive narcissist, as well as my process of healing and dealing with the aftermath.

Through this process, I’ve connected with many who share similar experiences, in search of resources to make sense of their own situations. The stories I’ve written on this topic continue to be some of my most read and it’s clear to me that this kind of content is sought after.

For those looking to read more—to make sense of, heal and move on from a toxic, abusive, and/or narcissistic…

How to maintain the mystery and move from ‘real-life’ to ‘power-play’, and back again


I’m fresh out of the shower, tiptoeing anxiously around my apartment when I finally receive the text: He’s on his way and I have thirty minutes. I slip into something barely there and make sure everything’s in order; candles are lit, music is on, drinks are poured. By the time my buzzer rings I’m supple, slick, and swollen; halfway in subspace already. The familiar tingly warmth that has been building at my root rises with the sound of my Dom’s footsteps up the stairwell. He stops and slides my door open. A blanket of goosebumps spreads across my skin. …

Why I prefer a man who loves a good mess

Photo by autor

I’m all about bloody messes!

That was the response I got in a text after I told him I was on my period—a warning—just in case he’s one of those.

I was already certain he wasn’t going to mind as I’ve become fairly apt at spotting the open-minded, body- and sex-positive ones off the bat. Still, you never really know with someone new until you ask. Had my period been a problem for him, on the other hand, I doubt we would have met again.

I guess you could say my warning was a bit of a test.

To me…

An extensive list of things to do prior to (or instead of) penetration to make sex even better

LOGAN WEAVER via Unsplash (cropped by author)

My working title of this article was Penetration is Overrated, until I realized that this wasn’t precisely the message I wanted to convey.

First of all, who am I kidding? I do love a good fuck. So much so that I feel pretty miserable if I go without for too long. …

The healing potential in feeling seen through kink and sexual submission

Ali Saadat via Unsplash (cropped by author)

As I was flipping through a recent set of photos from a shibari rope suspension I became acutely aware of my rigger’s gaze and how it’s fixed on me the whole time. He looks at my body and how I move, back up to where I’m secured, and down at me again. Most of the time he looks at my face, and into my eyes whenever they’re not closed. This is how he reads me. …

Five things I will no longer apologize for (and neither should you)

fotografierende via Pexels

Sorry seems to be the hardest word, said Elton, but for me, it comes easy. Too easy! Being able to apologize, sincerely, when we’ve hurt someone or done something wrong is vital, but far too often, I attempt to excuse the inexcusable. Or, in this case; that not in need of redress.

Just the other day I posted a funny meme only to backtrack and start explaining myself when I received a comment from a friend. I worried he read it wrong and I proceeded to ask for atonement.

Stop it, he said, to my surprise. No need to remiss!

Ena Dahl

Multidimensional creatrix & muse seeking to unite sexuality & spirituality, instigate alchemical healing & ignite the wild (wo)man |

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